Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

I just found out about this amazing blogging challenge called Things I’m Afraid to Tell You. I found out about it over on Creature Comforts (via Susannah’s Blog).

It is a blog-writing challenge to break through the mist of this shiny happy pretty blogosphere and tell the real truth about your life—the things you’re afraid to tell because you think they might shatter who people think you are. I have talked about this idea often with my husband—I think the internet is a blessing and a curse—it is amazing to be able to connect with people from all over the world and inspire each other, but it can also be down-right depressing to go around to one blog after another that makes the blogger seem like they have everything all together, and success is literally raining down upon them while they take bubble baths and drink champagne in a beautiful beachfront home. Even though I realize that people are representing only part of the truth (I’m a blogger myself and tend to focus on inspiration), I often find myself feeling depressed and jealous as I make my blog rounds, and tend to avoid reading blogs when I’m in a certain mood.

So, as I just started reading some of the Things I’m Afraid to Tell You posts, I felt such a happy feeling—such a huge weight lifted to see that other people are human and struggling and not wildly perfect. And so I wanted to share this with you so you could head on over and get some real inspiration, and also write a list of my own. Here it goes:


1. I worry about money, constantly. We have enough to get by. This is thanks to my husband who has a stable income. I have worked part-time at random jobs to supplement my art income. I’ve felt guilty to not be contributing a more regular/substantial income to my family. It is because of my husband’s income that I’ve been able to work at an outside job less and do art as part (or all) of my work over the past few years. I have felt resentful/guilty/like a hack for not having made my own way. I have felt guilty for not being more appreciative of being able to do this at all.

2. Some days I get angry and jealous that I have never figured out how to really make a living at art. Some days I get angry at myself for not proving wrong all of the nay-sayers that don’t believe it’s possible to make a living at art. I have recently changed course and decided it doesn’t matter to me whether or not I make a living at art, I just want to make art. Some days I wonder if this is true, or if it’s just something I tell myself to make myself feel better.

3. Sometimes I long so much to be a wild success—to have one million blog readers or write a bestselling book. I struggle with this because on one level I know that as long as you define your worth by what you do you will never be satisfied, but I still crave some outside measurement or reinforcement that I am a worthy human being.

4. I have struggled with body image since I was about 8 years old. I was an overweight kid and teen, and in high school and college I hated my body. I felt so angry and bad about myself to see all the other girls parading around in small clothes I felt I couldn’t wear. I still struggle with this. I have come a long way since then, but I still worry how I look to other people.

5. I like to spend a lot of time alone. Sometimes to a fault. I had a bad time with people as a kid (not fitting in, not having very good friends, being made fun of), and sometimes those experiences still haunt me. I find it easier to spend time by myself and not take social risks. At the same time I struggle with understanding that I like being by myself and that’s OK. I have only a handful of friends. Sometimes I feel embarrassed about that and still feel like I’m 14 and measuring my own value by how many people like me.

6. I have a lot of fear about what other people think of me (do you see a trend here?). I am beginning to learn how to let go of this, but it’s a long road full of prickers and brambles.

If you decide to do your own Things I’m Afraid to Tell You post I’d love to read it! Post your link in the comments here, or feel free to write your Things in a comment.


15 Responses to “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You”

  1. 1 Fiona @ lifelyricslemoncake May 11, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I love this. I will definitely look at the other entries.
    I love you, too *embarrassed* Constantly inspired. Thank you x

  2. 3 troy May 11, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Thinking back, some of the better blogs I read are those that are frank, honest and well …sometimes depressing. But they are ‘real’ and I think that’s what makes them so appealing. I think there’s also a fine line between blurting out your fears and/or inadequacies and cautiously expressing those same things in a way that keeps your privates private while still getting that ‘essence’ across. It’s about balance I suppose.

    Great post though, and I’ll have to check out that blog you mention :)

    • 4 Nicole | Blue Bicicletta May 15, 2012 at 8:57 am

      Very true Troy—there is always a balance and a way to share your own fears in a way that’s constructive for everyone. I think that the truth, shared thoughtfully, is one of the most powerful things you can share. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  3. 5 Jennifer Butler Basile May 11, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    I’m afraid of many of the same things — perhaps why I enjoy your blog with its similar challenges and inspirations to overcome them!

  4. 7 thoughtsontheatre May 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Thank you for not only sharing this project but your own brave stories too. And I think they resonate universally…a few definitely hit home for me! I think it’s about recognizing what scares you so it can no longer hurt you. Great post.

  5. 9 Nothing hurt May 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    This should happen more often in blogging. And in real life.
    Thanks for sharing, and being so honest, so relatable.

  6. 11 Kiya Krier - Runs With Blisters May 11, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Holy crapoli. We share a LOT of fears…

    I got my degree in creative writing and am in the process of FINALLY (3 years later) getting my writing going. My husband brings in most of the income while I work part time jobs to give me time to write, which sometimes makes me feel worthless and slackerish.

    I feel jealous of writers who can crank out content and make all the right connections. I struggle with defining my worth based on blog followers and (lack of) publication.

    Ah, the life of a creative person following a non-traditional career path…

    • 12 Nicole | Blue Bicicletta May 15, 2012 at 9:01 am

      Oh Kiya! Thanks so much for commenting! It warms my heart to know that I’m not the only one—and here we are making our way! It is such a challenge to be a creative person following a non-traditional career path, but also, I realize again and again how it’s also a gift—we will never lack for inspiration and fire and creative ideas! So much good luck and peace to you!

  7. 13 Aparna May 14, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Bold and beautiful :D

  8. 15 Sarah May 15, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    This is such a brave and beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

    I could think of many “things I’m afraid to tell you” but I’m not sure I’m brave enough to post them on the internet, even in blog comments…

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Hello there! My name is Nicole K. Docimo, and I am an artist and writer from the U.S.A. but currently residing in Zurich, Switzerand. Thank you for visiting my blog!

Some Thoughts

"Be thirsty for the ultimate water,
and then be ready for what will
come pouring from the spring."

{from "Joy at Sudden Disappointment"
translated by C. Barks.}

~This Work ~

Unless otherwise noted, all images and writings on this blog were created by me, Nicole K. Docimo aka Blue Bicicletta. If you would like to share anything you see here for inspirational purposes online, I just ask that you kindly let folks know where you found it. If you are wanting to share/reproduce any of my work in any other way, or have any questions about how you will be sharing the work in relation to copyright, please contact me directly at nkdocimo {at} gmail {dot} com. Thanks!

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