The Place of No Resolution

{“Moment of Insight,” pen and ink, watercolor, 4 x 4 inches.
A new little painting experiment}

This past Saturday, I was walking along thinking about all the things I’m currently trying to figure out in my life, and trying to remember the idea of don’t-know mind. It was cold as I walked, and I was at a loss about how I could know about don’t-know mind and still be snapping into “figuring out mode”.

As I mulled things over, feeling the unrest start to stir up in my stomach, a little slit in the fabric of my everyday struggle opened up—a ray of understanding. It occurred to me that for most of my adult life I’ve been trying to arrive at a point of resolution, a place I can rest and relax. My thoughts go like this: “If I could just get to . . . the weekend, that job, lunch, that salary, that vacation, the end of this day, the end of my to-do list . . . then I could finally rest and be OK.

This is not a new realization for me—I’ve struggled much with wanting to get through the anxiety that accompanies this non-resolution and craving for peace, but what came next was like a beam of light that cut through it all—it occurred to me that: there will always be unfinished, unresolved things in life. After I resolve the current things I’m struggling with, more will arise.

As if my brain couldn’t compute this and just gave up, I felt a moment of deep peace. You mean I don’t have to try and resolve everything right now because there will always be more to resolve? Bingo! You mean there’s no point in racing along because there’s nowhere to arrive that’s going to be any more resolved than right now? Yup!

I’ve spent many days in this way: I wake up in the morning and the instant I open my eyes I start playing in my brain the mountainous to-do list I’ve created for myself. I jump up with the fire of urgency in my belly, and proceed to rush at the list, snapping at people in my path, grasping at some mythical moment later in the day when it will all be done and I can finally just relax. And maybe I do finish it all and relax in the afternoon, but then I wake up and do it all again the next day.

Or here’s option #2: I wake up in the morning and I have no idea what to do with myself. I feel worthless to not know. I do a variety of activities out of fear and in every one of them attempt to create worth for myself from the doing. Sometimes I succeed at forgetting my struggle long enough to be peaceful for part of the day, only to sink back into the fear later on, or the next day. I struggle to figure out what I should do with myself, because if I’m not doing “something of worth,” I’m nothing.

We all spend so much time trying to get somewhere. I think we’re all just looking for peace and happiness, but we’re looking in the wrong places. Life is a process. There are starts and stops and new situations and old situations. But mainly there’s a whole lot of change and unfinished living. Walking along on Saturday, experiencing this small glimmer of insight I realized this: the only place you can rest is in this moment. You will never arrive at some place where everything has been solved and from then on you will just dance on through life {except perhaps at the moment of ultimate resolution (death), but that’s another story altogether}.

As quickly as the deep peace of insight came to me, it flashed away, and I was left with my thoughts. I walked along wishing I would arrive at my destination quickly so I could get out of the cold. It seems you can’t hold onto peace and insight either.

But insights do leave their mark—now I’m carrying these ideas around in my pocket, bowing to the unrest and the unknown, trying to remember to breathe and feel the peace and resolution that does exist right here in this moment. I hope you’ll take a minute and take a deep breath and drop the figuring for one second, and realize you are whole right here. And that’s the beauty of life—you can’t resolve anything, but everything is resolved right here in this one moment.

Wishing you many wide open thoughts of peace!

{Psssst: after a short closure to recalibrate, my art shop is now back open. Come on over for a visit!}


13 Responses to “The Place of No Resolution”

  1. 1 Regina February 13, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Love your post. I can totally relate. Reminds me of tolle’s Power of Now. One of my favorite books.

  2. 2 Sarah February 13, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Wow. Thank you for sharing your beautiful insights. I had a similar moment of insight recently when I realized that there were *always* going to be changes in life. That nothing is static; I can go along for awhile thinking this is how my life/routine/etc. will always be but then someday something will change (this was perhaps triggered by the cancellation of a dance class I had been attending regularly at the same time each week for a year and a half). The realization was in not only knowing that this is true, but in accepting it and knowing that the only way to live is to just go with the flow of life changes and not try to hold on to the past. I don’t think this is exactly the same as what you are saying in this post, but I think it is closely related.

  3. 4 Peaceful Controversy February 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    I remember when I first started having hints of insight from an unknown and unrecognizable part of my mind. This is the beginning of increasing the speed of your mind’s vibration and soon you will be very adept at it and all of you will be laughing that you ever worried about anything in the first place!
    Peace and enjoy the present!

  4. 5 Marianne February 13, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Thank you for this reminder. I’m glad you had a little flash of calm and insight amidst the stresses… Something must be in the cosmic air because I have also felt scrunched into the middle of a stress accordion. The to-dos are sinister. Thanks for sharing!

  5. 6 daynakristine February 14, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Thank you for speaking about something I truely needed to hear. Today I an going to try and focus on peace instead of unrest. :) We can’t change the unknown.

  6. 8 tenchimouse February 14, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Very well said. It’s the insights that gives us some peace and yet excitement. After losing my job two weeks ago a mount of stress piled up and yet at the top of there was peace, calm and focus. This insight, an unbelievable benefit. This past week I’ve had job offers without even looking or asking. Thanks again for a wonderful post. Mahalo!

  7. 11 Erica February 15, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    What a wonderful post. I think this is a crucial realization that I’ve also been coming to slowly over the past few years. I’m always thinking of some future self that will be more organized, have a cleaner house, more free time and be more productive. But that future self is still me and the things in my life that make me slightly messier or less productive than I wish I was will always be there. It’s great to get this perspective from you on something that I struggle with too.

  8. 12 Faith February 22, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    I’m so learning this place right now…in life and through a meditation practice that’s been evolving over the past year. Thanks for the echoes!

  9. 13 kboehnlein March 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Thank you for this post! I often get so wrapped up in my own confusion and striving for that unknown place of happiness in the future, that I forget that I’m not alone. Your post reminded me of this and thank you for the reminder of striving to just be in “now.” :)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Hello there! My name is Nicole K. Docimo, and I am an artist and writer from the U.S.A. but currently residing in Zurich, Switzerand. Thank you for visiting my blog!

Some Thoughts

"Be thirsty for the ultimate water,
and then be ready for what will
come pouring from the spring."

{from "Joy at Sudden Disappointment"
translated by C. Barks.}

~This Work ~

Unless otherwise noted, all images and writings on this blog were created by me, Nicole K. Docimo aka Blue Bicicletta. If you would like to share anything you see here for inspirational purposes online, I just ask that you kindly let folks know where you found it. If you are wanting to share/reproduce any of my work in any other way, or have any questions about how you will be sharing the work in relation to copyright, please contact me directly at nkdocimo {at} gmail {dot} com. Thanks!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 346 other followers



%d bloggers like this: