Questions

I have been a bit down for the past few days, and I notice that when I’m feeling down I have a harder time blogging. And so, I often don’t come and write. My art and my blog is largely about beauty and possibility and play, so it’s much harder to come and share when I’m feeling gray. But really, don’t we all go through this? I also want to share with you the reality of my life as an artist and a person. So, here I am.

What has been coming up for me are questions about self-worth, like: what gives you/me/anyone worth?

I find myself often getting trapped in defining self-worth by some outward success {money, art sales, fans, one of the millions of other numerical values that is attached to what you put out on the internet like “followers” and blog comments}. I read book after book that tells me this is not where value comes from, and I believe them—but, why is it so darn hard to get beyond this value system?

I seem to succeed (there’s that word again) at living outside this value system some of the time. But then, it can be just as easy to base your worth on how often you’re able to be at peace, and then there you are again playing the game.

It is a roller coaster to struggle like this. The first step does seem to be to recognize that you’re doing it {you’re creating the roller coaster}, but what is the second and the third step? What about when things get tough, or when something happens that triggers your habitual fear? How can you really understand that your value doesn’t change depending on what you do or don’t do or how often you feel a certain way?

I could ask a million more questions. And yet, I still am not sure I’m asking the right ones. There is something so elusive about these questions—maybe no number of words can give you the answers because they are beyond words.

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4 Responses to “Questions”


  1. 1 Marianne Bland December 8, 2010 at 9:48 am

    Nicole, I thought of you last night while I was reading Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”. I strongly suggest you read it. I know you have a million books in a stack as it is, but in this book, Eckhart talks about the ego as a construct of the mind that nearly everyone falsely identifies with as “self”. The ego is what drives us to contemplate things like worth and success; it always wants more and never has enough. Once we become aware of the ego, it instantly reduces in power because it cannot coexist with awareness. Looking at life in this manner for just the past couple of days has made so many things click for me. I really think you will find it enlightening. :)

  2. 2 Meghan December 9, 2010 at 8:54 am

    I struggle with defining success, too. I’ve always defined myself by my job and now that I’m staying home with mr t, I feel like I still have to accomplish lists of things every day or I’ve just been “lazy.” I know it’s ridiculous, but changing my definitions has been much harder than I expected.
    I’m glad you shared this – it’s great to see more sides of you. The whole picture has value!

  3. 3 Geoff M. Pope December 11, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    > But really, don’t we all go through this?

    — Yep. And I have a tendency to become down more during the winter and near the end of a year, especially when I starthinking too much about what I have not, instead of what I have, done and been. I must say, though, that among the five love languages (quality time, acts of service, personal touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving), “words of affirmation” is my love language. So I freakineed people to encourage me! Constantly!

    > what gives you/me/anyone worth?
    > why is it so darn hard to get beyond this value system?

    Because, to use your metaphor, our culture–even to a large extent the art/poetry world–is rife with traps that often falsely define “success.” As for “worth,” the unconditional love of God, of my parents, wife, and other family and friends help me keep my “value” in proper perspective; yet, as a creative giver, I too often measure my “‘self’-worth” by how much exposure, acknowledgement, and money I receive from my creative efforts/works–similar maybe to how a Fresh Fruits & Vegetables stand worker might feel when, set up right near her fields, cars keep passing by that turn into a Safeway grocery store where those one-stop shoppers will buy their cheaper & less nutritious produce, etc.

    > What about when things get tough, or when something happens that triggers your habitual fear? How can you really understand that your value doesn’t change depending on what you do or don’t do or how often you feel a certain way?

    What a pair of questions. I’m going to ponder further how best to answer that question for you–and for me. Meanwhile, my answer: Faithopelove mixed with a little Effexor.

    > There is something so elusive about these questions–maybe no number of words can give you the answers because they are beyond words.

    Wonderful vulnerablentry. Yes, even for us scribes, often–as you say–“the answers…are beyond words.”

  4. 4 Kerri December 13, 2010 at 1:49 am

    Oh I know, I know, I know! We must somehow remember that we are so much bigger than any of these worries. So much bigger, more beautiful and profound. You cannot be put into a box. Your worth cannot be measured. And you know why? Because your beauty and the possibilities within you are off the charts. Too glorious and all encompassing to measure.


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Hello there! My name is Nicole K. Docimo, and I am an artist and writer from the U.S.A. but currently residing in Zurich, Switzerand. Thank you for visiting my blog!

Some Thoughts

"Be thirsty for the ultimate water,
and then be ready for what will
come pouring from the spring."
~Rumi

{from "Joy at Sudden Disappointment"
translated by C. Barks.}

~This Work ~

Unless otherwise noted, all images and writings on this blog were created by me, Nicole K. Docimo aka Blue Bicicletta. If you would like to share anything you see here for inspirational purposes online, I just ask that you kindly let folks know where you found it. If you are wanting to share/reproduce any of my work in any other way, or have any questions about how you will be sharing the work in relation to copyright, please contact me directly at nkdocimo {at} gmail {dot} com. Thanks!

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